


His Royal Highness Humphrey Ethelbert the Mighty

by UnusualClara



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Hannibal AU, Hannibal Turtle AU, Hannibal has a pet turtle, Pompous Turtle Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5312465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnusualClara/pseuds/UnusualClara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal owns a pet turtle named His Royal Highness Humphrey Ethelbert the Mighty. That's all you need to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Royal Highness Humphrey Ethelbert the Mighty

**Author's Note:**

> Find The Most Wonderful List of Hannibal AUs Here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yev6oKJSKyvzOKqWI7mI_Fg4eH7IoDChZCo47Y7HJRs/edit?pli=1#  
> (It really is the most Wonderful)

Hannibal and Will's latest session had just ended and Hannibal had invited him to stay for a glass of wine. They'd been having more of these after session drinks as the Holidays grew nearer. Will couldn't say he didn't enjoy the free wine and interesting conversation, so he never brought up the topic of how they were most definitely breaching the bounds of doctor-patient acquaintanceship. They were sipping wine, quietly, each lost in their own thoughts, until one of them broke the silence.

"Will, would you like to see my turtle?" Hannibal asked casually. Will almost choked on his wine. Had Hannibal just asked him if he wanted to see his _turtle?_  Could Hannibal really be talking about an actual turtle? Maybe it was some weird Lithuanian sexual innuendo, although Will wasn't sure if that was any better.

"You have a _turtle?"_  Will asked.

"Yes, I've always been quite fond of the animal. Their ability to live as long as we do fascinates me. As well as the shell and their speed that makes them utterly different than any other animal." Hannibal said.

Will couldn't believe what he'd just heard.  _Had Hannibal really gone philosophical about a turtle?_  Will couldn't help himself. "I'd love to see your turtle Doctor Lecter, what's it's name?" he asked, suddenly morbidly curious about this thought provoking, philosophical turtle Hannibal was so intrigued with.

"His Royal Highness Humphrey Ethelbert the Mighty." Hannibal said, getting up to lead the way to what Will presumed was His Royal Highness's tank. Will wasn't even surprised at the name. Of course that was it. Will couldn't think of anything that would be more appropriate. He got up and followed Hannibal to the ladder leading up to the balcony. Will had been up here before, and he hadn't seen any type of turtle tank before. Hannibal stopped in front of a bookcase and pulled out a book halfway. Two of the book cases slid out and opened to reveal a door.  _Oh my god that's the most cliche thing I've ever seen in my life._  Will thought, although he was about to go see a rich Lithuanian psychiatrist named Hannibal's turtle who's name was seven words long, so Will supposed the hidden bookcase door could be excused.

Hannibal got out a key and unlocked the door. Will could practically see the glowing light with the angel music playing When Hannibal opened the door. Inside was a dream house for turtles, Will didn't actually know what turtles did in their free time but he assumed that it was in this room. He spotted His Royal Highness Humphrey Ethelbert the Mighty in the corner of the room. Will had to do everything in his physical strength not to burst out laughing. Humphrey was dressed in the ugliest turtle Christmas sweater Will had ever seen. It was a sickening color of green with loud red stripes with white splotches that Will guessed were supposed to be snowflakes. Humphrey looked at will and his eyes had  _save me_ written all over them. Will took a deep breath and tried to regain composure. Hannibal walked over to Humphrey's corner and picked up the small turtle carefully. He brought him over to where Will was standing.

"Say hello His Royal Highness," Hannibal said and lifted him up to Will could touch him. Will didn't want to appear rude, so he moved his hand towards Humphrey tentatively. Humphrey's reaction was lightning fast. He latched on to Will's finger, Will let out a painful yelp and Hannibal sprang into action. He tried to unlatch Humphrey's mouth from Will's finger but Humphrey bit down harder. Will was shrieking in pain and Hannibal was wrestling with the small turtle. Will waved his hand around, with the turtle flying around with it. Finally it was too much and Humphrey let go, he was flung across the room and hit the wall. Hannibal screamed and ran to go tend to Humphrey while Will stayed in the doorway holding his finger and moaning in pain. 

Hannibal checked to see if Humphrey was alive, and fortunately the little turtle was moving. He picked him up and cradled him, whispering soothing words into the place he assumed a turtle's ears were. "I'm sorry Will, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. For some strange reason His Royal Highness seems to be upset by you, and your continued presence could upset him further. Will needed no further words, he ran out of the room and practically jumped down the latter and to the outside door to his car.

Hannibal stayed and looked back at his turtle, "You've been a bad turtle Humphrey Ethelbert, a very bad turtle." he said and continued rocking the seeming traumatized animal in his arms. When he was sure no one could see him Humphrey contorted his mouth into the sleaziest smile a turtle could make. Hannibal was his, and he would stay that way forever.

 

 

 

 


End file.
